Happy Retirement Mom!

Congratulations to my incredible Mother on her retirement! Today as we celebrate my mom's retirement from the workforce I want to share a few of the valuable lessons she has gifted me along the way. 

First and foremost, be independent! Don't ever rely on another human to care for you and meet your financial needs, even in a relationship, both people need to be able to manage themselves independently, having a partner is just a bonus.  

Life is not fair, things will seem unjust, this does not mean you quit. I remember my mother once being in a position in her career where her title was taken away and given to the spouse of the owner of the company for no apparent reason. I felt angry about this seemingly unfair change! I remember thinking that I don't think I could have stayed with that company let alone worked next to those people every day, and trained in my own boss! My mom stayed and held her head up high. She trained in her new supervisor, and never missed a beat. I will never forget the lesson I learned from watching her navigate that experience. Leaving just because things are tough is the easy way out. Working through those emotions, and coming out stronger on the other side is the kind of character every employer wants on their team. You only cheat yourself when you quit. Moments like this impacted me profoundly as a young woman starting my career. 

Work ethic is everything! My mother has been the most incredible role-model for myself and my family in regards to work ethic. I don't know that anything came easy for her, she's never had a hand out, or received anything she didn't work her tail off to earn. My mom raised three kids while working nights, weekends, 1st shift, 2nd shift, and 3rd shift throughout her career. She used to go grocery shopping sometimes at 2 or 3 in the morning because it was the only time she had available. She was always willing to make the tough decisions for the best interest of her family. My mom went back to college and finished her degree from St. Catherine's University while working full time, and having three kids in school and sports. She fulfilled her life-long dream of becoming a social worker, and spent the last part of her career dedicated to human services. 

I am blessed to have had such a wonderful role-model. Thank you mom for all of the gifts of wisdom you have passed on to me throughout your journey. Looking forward to watching you enjoy your retirement! 

Don't let your loyalty become your slavery.

I made it! I am about five months post discovery day.  

I can vividly remember every detail of the day, what I was eating, how I was feeling. The lunch I had packed for him the night before he had left with her. I remember folding his laundry while I found out he was taking her to breakfast and to the park. I remember calling his work where he was supposed to be that day. I remember the denial. I remember talking to her on the phone and listening to her as she said, "I guess it was wrong". I remember him making me feel crazy. I remember feeling my life slip away. I remember him telling me he loved me the night before, kissing me, and telling me he had never been happier. It was traumatic for me. 

In my eyes, our relationship was forever. There was nothing I wouldn't have done for that man. My loyalty to him became my slavery post break up. Trust me, I tried to convince him to stay, to go to therapy, I was open to anything, just for a chance at repairing what he felt was broken. But by the time I had found out about the cheating, he was already gone, he had created a fantasy life with her . In the fantasy he was a father figure to her children, they would go on bike rides to the park, and they would build the life we had dreamed of together. Three days after D-day, I gave him a hug as he left on a date with the other woman. I kissed him on the cheek and told him to have a good night. STRENGTH IS MY MIDDLE NAME. I needed to recognize that I deserved much more than to wait around for him. 

He asked me to start dating other people almost right away. He did not want me sitting alone, further contributing to his guilt. I reluctantly agreed only to find friendship with the most kind and compassionate man. He has held my hand through this horrible break-up. He has offered forgiveness to me when I make mistakes, and he sometimes tells me to stop living in the past.  He shares his life with me, and loves me even when I feel unlovable. Our friendship has turned into a relationship nowadays and I am very blessed to have made a friend in my weakest moments with a man that was patient enough to wait for me to heal. Five months post break-up looks much better than 3 months looked and I hope to keep moving in the right direction.