I made it! I am about five months post discovery day.
I can vividly remember every detail of the day, what I was eating, how I was feeling. The lunch I had packed for him the night before he had left with her. I remember folding his laundry while I found out he was taking her to breakfast and to the park. I remember calling his work where he was supposed to be that day. I remember the denial. I remember talking to her on the phone and listening to her as she said, "I guess it was wrong". I remember him making me feel crazy. I remember feeling my life slip away. I remember him telling me he loved me the night before, kissing me, and telling me he had never been happier. It was traumatic for me.
In my eyes, our relationship was forever. There was nothing I wouldn't have done for that man. My loyalty to him became my slavery post break up. Trust me, I tried to convince him to stay, to go to therapy, I was open to anything, just for a chance at repairing what he felt was broken. But by the time I had found out about the cheating, he was already gone, he had created a fantasy life with her . In the fantasy he was a father figure to her children, they would go on bike rides to the park, and they would build the life we had dreamed of together. Three days after D-day, I gave him a hug as he left on a date with the other woman. I kissed him on the cheek and told him to have a good night. STRENGTH IS MY MIDDLE NAME. I needed to recognize that I deserved much more than to wait around for him.
He asked me to start dating other people almost right away. He did not want me sitting alone, further contributing to his guilt. I reluctantly agreed only to find friendship with the most kind and compassionate man. He has held my hand through this horrible break-up. He has offered forgiveness to me when I make mistakes, and he sometimes tells me to stop living in the past. He shares his life with me, and loves me even when I feel unlovable. Our friendship has turned into a relationship nowadays and I am very blessed to have made a friend in my weakest moments with a man that was patient enough to wait for me to heal. Five months post break-up looks much better than 3 months looked and I hope to keep moving in the right direction.
